Molded

If you have been in a spirit-filled church any length of time, then you have heard the term “giving birth” with regards to the dreams and visions God has given you for your life. I had heard it more times than I could count, had it prophecied over me on several occassions, and had gotten frustrated with it all more than I care to admit. But about a year and a half ago God gave me an incredible revelation about the spiritual birthing process. He began to walk me through my life, keeping in mind that the Bible says a day with God is as a thousand years, and began to explain to me the stages of spiritual pregnancy, premature labor, and birth. As God revealed this to me, I realized I had just finished giving birth.

Just like in natural pregnancy it is at that point that you see your baby for the first time. You know for sure whether it is a boy or a girl and you know for sure you are now offically a parent, but that is about all you know for sure. I began to realize that giving birth to a prophetic dream was much like giving natural birth, you don’t go from being pregnant to the fullfillment of purpose and all you believe you are called to do. You are given this infant dream to nurture and grow it. It starts out small and as you tend to the infant, it gets bigger and stronger, and you grow to understand more and more about it.

There is also a state after natural pregnancy that many women go through that doctor’s refer to as “post partum depression”. It is during this time that a women’s hormones are changing. Their bodies are changing. Their identity is changing, they are no longer accountable just for themselves, but for another. It is no longer just about them, but the focus is now about the baby. Other factors that lead to this depression in women are lack of rest, feelings of inability and inadequency, less free time, less control, changes in other relationships, and unrealistic expectations about what motherhood is like and what makes a good mom. Some of the symptoms of postpartum depression are irritable, feeling sad, hopeless or overwhelmed, lack of motivation, a change in eating and sleeping patterns, feeling guilty or worthless, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, and withdrawing from friends and family.

As I sat in church today I heard the Lord say “You have been going through Spiritual Postpartum”. I heard only pieces of a very good sermon today because I was trying to understand what God meant. I began to look back over the past year or so and started to understand. After a very, very difficult birthing process, I had begun to see and understand what God had called me to, but I was tired and, if I’m honest, it didn’t look or sound like what I had expected. I was excited, but exhausted and the exhaustion turned into depression. I did the bear minimal to feed my spirit and nurture that gift. My identity had changed, my friends had changed, and I wasn’t sure how much I liked the changes. My times with the Lord had been increasing longer and more intense during pregnancy, but after birth they became less and less frequent. In some ways, although it wasn’t something I realized, I longed for things to be the way they used to be.

Where had God been in all of this? Right beside me, tending to the baby I didn’t have the energy or desire to tend to, waiting for me to get ready to check back into life so that He could fulfill in me what He had always desired. You see God is the perfect Father and this seed, this baby, was not just my baby, but it was birthed out of an intimate experience with the Perfect Father, and when my imperfect abilities to mother this baby fell short, the Perfect Father took up my slack and patiently loved me through it.