Really – Why fast anyway? That is the question I began asking myself yesterday about the time the exhaustion from the lack of caffeine finally wore off and the craving for pizza finally kicked in. All week I have been so exhausted I couldn’t think straight. Maybe it is because I literally drink 4 or 5 Diet Sundrops a day (that might be a conservative estimate). I literally only drink Diet Sundrop or an occasional Coke. Yes, I know it’s unhealthy but haven’t really cared. Between the lack of caffeine and the denial of sugar (which is the other staple in my diet) I haven’t had the energy to be hungry. Up until Wednesday my head hurt the entire time I was awake even though I was already taking ibuprofen for my foot. By Wednesday the headache had faded but I couldn’t wake up…I mean I almost overslept several times this week and even when I got up didn’t feel awake.
By yesterday I was getting frustrated. I haven’t been hungry haven’t really craved anything (until yesterday) but I’ve felt horrible so I began to ask – why am I doing this anyway?
- Am I doing it cause everybody else is doing it?
- Am I doing it to prove a point or try to be “more spiritual” or appear “more spiritual”?
- Am I doing it because I feel like I have to?
- Or am I doing it to seek the Lord?
The last question left me even more frustrated. I did this for all the right reasons or at least I feel like I did, but for many reasons haven’t felt like I have heard anything from the Lord, received any new revelation, or found new inspiration or insight. OK, when I realized that it sent me into absolute turmoil.
If that’s the case and this is why I’m depriving myself why am I still doing it? So I didn’t what any good married women would do – told my husband I wanted to quit and wait for him to tell me OK. I didn’t think that would be hard since he wasn’t real excited about it to start with. So I told him and waited and he said nothing…until this morning when he said “I feel like you want me to tell you to quit….but what if you do this for 19 days without God showing you anything and then on day 20 He shows up and gives you some great insight, will it be worth it then?” Nuff said! Cheesecake will have to wait til January 31st!